Point of No Return
by kanani81
Summary: Missing Moment: Leia's thoughts when Han goes to rescue Luke on Hoth.


"Your Highness, the shield doors must be closed".

The door slammed shut with resounding finality, the sound of Chewbacca's mourning wail piercing the silence. Movement in the hanger continued. The Rebellion had lost men before, and despite these two being amongst the more prolific, the show had to go on. But for Leia...

For Leia, time seemed to stand still. For her the air seemed pervaded with silence. It was as if she was in a cocoon. She was aware of everything outside of herself, but it all seemed muffled somehow. She could hear Threepio telling her something about the odds of the situation, but the sound came as if from a distance, so she merely nodded and moved past him. She felt something grab her arm and she tensed, her head jerking upwards, only to encounter Chewie's soulful blue eyes. He growled something at her, but she didn't understand his words. Han usually translated Chewie's speech. Damn the fact that she actually needed him for something and he wasn't there. Typical. Leia cursed herself inwardly.

"I'll be alright Chewie", she said sensing that he was asking how she was. "It'll be alright".

Chewie growled as he let go of her arm, walking dejectedly to the Falcon's ramp. Once there he turned, looking back at the princess. She looked so small standing there in the cavernous hanger.

She looked lost.

Although they wouldn't admit it (except perhaps Luke) Chewie knew how much his three friends meant to each other. Over the last year the three of them had grown close. Within the maelstrom of war, Han, Luke and Leia had formed a friendship - a friendship that had started to chip away at their respective tough veneers. Especially Han and Leia.

Luke was an open book in comparison. Every emotion, every reaction the boy had, was written all over his face. Han always joked that Luke was the easiest person to beat at sabaac. You always knew what hand he had. But even Luke had been affected by life's cruel blows and had learnt the lesson of self-reliance. The naive farmboy from the outer reaches of the galaxy was growing up.

Chewie watched as Leia started walking slowly to the control hanger, her face hiding her inner anguish. It was an expression he had seen many times on the young princess's face, and one that he knew annoyed Han a great deal. He could almost hear Han's voice now... "Look at her Chewie. Putting on that damn Ice Princess face again. God forbid she let anyone in and see what she's really feeling".

It was comments like this that made Chewie wonder about his captain's feelings for the princess. Chewie had certainly never heard Han talk about anyone else in that way before. Normally it was world be damned. If it didn't affect Han Solo, then it was none of his business. But Leia... Leia featured a great deal in Han's conversations. Sure, most of the time he was cursing her existence - and it wasn't like she was the first person he had done that to. It was more in the way in which he talked about her. He always had this look in his eyes.

There was a theory on Kashyyyk, that you always tease the ones you love. 'In that case', Chewie thought, 'Han is a goner. And judging by the princess's reactions, she isn't far behind'. Chewie chuckled, imagining some of the more inane spats the couple had had. 'Oh yeah, they're both gone'.

Suddenly his thoughts sobered, remembering the events at hand. Han was missing. Once again he'd acted without thinking, recklessly rushing out to save Luke. Chewie only hoped that they would both come back safely. Then he could sit back and watch as Han and Leia played out the last act of this seemingly never-ending saga. It was only a matter of time now. Chewie knew something had happened when Han had gone to tell Rieekan that they were leaving. He'd come back in a foul mood, and had started yelling at everyone and everything. Also the fact that Han had been refusing to answer Leia's calls on his comlink, had not escaped Chewie's notice. Something most definitely had happened between the princess and the smuggler.

As he watched the princess's dispirited movements, Chewie thought maybe he should invite Leia into the Falcon. She really shouldn't be alone at a time like this. Or, knowing the princess, burying herself in work. He called out to her.

Leia stopped and looked back at Chewie's cry. He seemed to be gesturing at her to come inside. Did he want her to go into the Falcon?

'I can't', Leia thought. 'I've got work to do. I can't let this get in my way. I have to get on with it. Help the Rebellion. Help with the rescue effort. I can't just hang around here. I have to do something!'She shook her head at Chewie's request, "I'm sorry Chewie, but I can't. I've got heaps of other stuff I have to do."

He growled, one arm slashing through the air, dismissing her excuses. He turned and walked into the Falcon.

Leia sighed. Now what was she supposed to do. She really did not know Chewbacca that well, and she certainly had never spent much time alone with him. Han had always been there. If she didn't go inside, how would the giant Wookiee react? Leia shuddered, recalling every tale Han had ever told about Wookiees that had, to put it lightly, not been very happy. She'd never seen Chewbacca react in such a manner, but who knows what he would do if provoked. Perhaps she should go inside. Just for a little while. Then she definitely had to go and do some work.

Leia walked towards the Falcon's lounge, her fingers running along the corridor walls. She paused at the doorway, her mind flooding with memories of the many missions she had taken in this ship. The holo-chess table reminding her of the many games of sabaac she had played with Han, Luke and Chewie, and the times that Han had cooked for them. Her eyes glanced towards the central shaft, her mind straying to the time Han had held her hand while they sat looking at the stars from the upper hull.

Chewie grunted, breaking into her reflection. He was waving a hydro spanner around in the air, gesturing towards the kitchenette. Leia nodded, surmising that he was offering her kaffee. Chewie brushed past Leia, running a huge paw over her head, and with one final growl, he left the room, presumably to do more repairs.

Leia poured herself a mug of kaffee and sat down at the holo-chess table, her hands gripped tightly around the mug. She could remember what Han had told her about this mug. Chewie had bought it for him as a gag Life Day gift years ago. Her fingers ran up and down the sides, as she read what was printed on it - 'Learn to laugh at yourself. Everybody else does.' The insolent, amused looked which had crossed Han's face popped into Leia's mind. "It's my favourite mug", he had admitted. Leia wrapped her fingers around it, and took a long sip.

Her eyes roamed around the lounge area. The Falcon sure did give off the impression of a 'hunk of junk', as Luke liked to put it. Sure Han kept it relatively neat enough, but the first thing you noticed was its... weathered quality.

But somehow that weathered, used look seemed to give the Falcon a sense of belonging. Whenever Leia was on board she felt like she was... well, she felt like she was at home. And in a sense, it was true. The Falcon was home to her - and to Luke. Often she had come here, not wanting to go back to her cold, lonely rooms. Here at least was company. The quality sometimes lacking - but hey! It couldn't be said that Han Solo was boring to be around.

No, definitely not boring... but something else entirely. Han Solo was certainly a puzzle. Sometimes she didn't know what to make of him at all. In many ways he was exactly like this misleading old ship of his - rough and coarse on the outside. And on the inside... What was inside Han Solo? Who was he really? Leia had often caught glimpses of a man that was entirely different to the Han Solo she thought she knew. This man cared about others. This man was intelligent, talented and brave. This man Leia liked.

It was also this man that Leia was afraid of. She had started to care for this man, and that was something that she didn't think she was capable of at the moment. She couldn't afford to care for someone... anyone. People that you care about only get taken away. The chances of this especially high considering that they were in the middle of a war. No, it was definitely better to shut herself off from caring. Caring only led to hurt.

'Anyway', Leia tried to justify to herself, ' better not get too attached. Han is leaving. Who knows where to? After he pays off Jabba the Hutt, why would he want to come back and help the Rebellion. All he ever does is criticise us anyway. It's definitely better if he stays away... I really don't need this.'

Leia winced, her hands constricting around the mug in front of her. 'Why am I worrying about whether Han is going to leave or not. Maybe he's left already'. Tears suddenly sprang to her eyes, her stomach twisting in knots. Han and Luke were missing - out there in the snow. Nobody could possibly survive in those kinds of conditions. Surely they would freeze to death.

The tears that had gathered in Leia's eyes broke free and ran down her face. A sob caught in her throat. 'Damn it', she cried. Why did this have to happen now? She thought she had managed to cut herself off from everything and just concentrate on the Rebellion. But no, those two bastards had managed to worm their way in. Them with their stupid jokes, and their stupid presents.

And his stupid eyes that seemed to be able to see right through her.

Why did he have to go running out there after Luke? Always rushing into situations with no thought to the consequences. Sometimes she could just strangle him. It was that same damn man again. Of course he would give no thought to himself, only concentrating on making sure that his friend was alright. Leia's sorrow dampened, her eyes darkening with ire. Didn't he realise that this only made her care more?

'I don't need this', Leia thought, her teeth clenched together, her hands balling into tight fists. 'Why am I so concerned about Han? Luke is missing too. Okay, so they're my friends. I'm worried because I've let my guard down a little and two men I consider friends are missing. That's all. That I can accept. My friends are in danger and I'm upset. This I can justify'.

But persistent thoughts of a tall lanky smuggler kept entering her mind.

'Argh', she cried, her hands reaching up, her fingers roughly tunnelling through her hair. 'Han doesn't mean that much to me. Get a grip Leia. He's just a friend.'

Just a friend.

Just a friend.

Leia repeated this mantra as she got up and washed out her mug and moved towards the cockpit. She sat down in Han's chair, pulling her knees up under her chin, and wrapped her arms around her legs. She always came into the cockpit to think. Here was the portal to the galaxy - the vastness of the stars always made her problems seem so small in comparison. Only now, all she could see was the bleakness of he hanger bay.

A shiver ran down Leia's spine. Maybe now was not the time to come in here. She was trying to escape her thoughts about Han, and all she had done was go to a place where she could feel his presence all around her. It almost felt like he was sitting in Chewie's chair next to her, his booted feet resting on the consul, that familiar sardonic half-grin on his face.

Her head fell against her knees, her eyes drifting shut. She didn't mean to, but she just sort of shut down, and slipped quietly into sleep.

* * *

Leia awoke to a loud growling noise coming from somewhere near her ear. The ground was also shaking rather violently. Startled, she opened her eyes to see Chewie standing beside her, his muscular arms shaking the chair she was sitting on. She sprung up, shaking from being wakened in such a manner.

"Jeez Chewie. I'm awake. I'm awake. What's the emergency?" Her eyes widened as she realised. Chewie was growling in an animated manner, his blue eyes sparkling. He could only be excited by one particular thing at the moment. That must mean...

She raced out of the Falcon heading straight for the medical bay. General Rieekan called out to her as she passed the control rooms, but Leia was much too preoccupied. No notice was taken of the objects in her pathway. Leia had only one thing on her mind. 'Please let them be alright'.

She swung into the emergency bay, her eyes immediately drawn to the pale figure being prepared for bacta immersion. Leia's breath caught in her throat at the sight of Luke.

A husky voice emerged from the shadows, "He's gonna be alright".

Leia turned, her eyes searching for the figure that had just spoken. Han sat on a bench on the other side of the room, half obscured by the doorway. Thick blankets were wrapped around him. He looked a lot paler than Leia had ever seen him, but that defiant look in his hazel eyes was definitely as strong as ever. Leia couldn't take her eyes off him. He was actually sitting there, right in front of her. He was alive.

She smiled slightly and asked him if he was okay.

'Oh I'm fine. Just a bit frozen around the edges. Nothing a nice hot shower won't cure". He smiled back, his eyes riveted on hers - Leia was not the only one who couldn't take their eyes off someone.

Leia's face coloured. She felt as if Han was looking right through her. So she averted his gaze, turning her eyes toward Luke. She cleared her throat and asked, "What happened?"

Han's eyes softened as he looked at Luke. "I'm not sure. I just came across him lying in the snow and looking like he had passed through a food processor. Sith knows what kind of creature the kid ran into. I sure am glad that it was nowhere near when I rocked up".

Leia studied her boots, as a heavy silence hung between the two of them. She heard Han roughly clear his throat. Both of them stole furtive glances at the other, until they were interrupted by the entrance of Chewbacca and the two droids. Han was quickly enveloped in a crushing hug by his co-pilot, while Threepio twittered on about Luke. "I must say it was rather good of you Captain Solo to rescue Master Luke. I do hope he is alright".

Han righted himself, his blankets dropping to the floor. He nodded curtly at Threepio, "Me too Goldenrod. Me too".

All five of them turned to look at Luke, as the medical droid's metallic voice rang out, "Commander Skywalker is ready for bacta immersion". They all watched as Luke was suspended in the transparent bacta cylinder. The surgeon droid, Too-Onebee, worked a switch that brought a gelatinous red fluid pouring down over his patient. As the bubbling slime encapsulated his body, Luke began to thrash about.

Han flinched and walked away from the tank. He offered an explanation to the others, "Brings back too many bad memories". Chewie smiled. That was an understatement.

Leia watched as Han began to pace the room, his eyes darting every which way. He seemed subdued. And restless. He looked as if he wanted to escape from something. Her heart caught in her throat. Did he still want to leave? He couldn't leave. This incident certainly could prove that. The Rebellion still needed him. After all this, was Han still leaving her and Luke behind?

'He can't leave. I need him'.

Leia drew in a sharp breath. What was that? Their argument in the south passage sprang into her mind, "What about you need?" She sounded the words out in her mouth, 'I need him'.

Dear lord was he right? Leia looked at Han, watching as he talked to Chewie, his hands resting on his hips. She didn't want him to go. He couldn't leave. Only now did Leia realise how important Han Solo had become to her. He made her laugh. He cooked for her. No matter how irritating he could be, he was always there. It was him who had remembered her birthday. He was the one who had sat with her as she grieved for Alderaan. He, who got angry every time someone blamed her for Alderaan's destruction. Leia looked at Han with new eyes. It was if she was appreciating who he was for the first time.

But was he still going to leave?

Could she ask him to stay?

No definitely not. Leia was not about to ask Han that directly. Good lord, she could imagine his egotistical retorts now. Maybe she could go about this in another way. Being nice to him would help... right?

"Han". He looked at her, his eyebrows raised in silent question. Her eyes peered into his, trying to see what was inside. "Um... I was... well..."

"Thank you," she blurted out.

Han's face was blank. Leia had no idea about what he was thinking. She held her breath in tightly.

"No sweat Your Highness," Han said, something flickering in his eyes before he turned back to grimly stare at Luke.

The two of them then stood side by side in silence, waiting to see if their friend was alright.

* * *

Leia sat in the Rebel medical centre waiting for Luke to wake up. He had been in and out of consciousness for a day now. But at least he was alright. Too-Onebee was predicting a full recovery.

A moan came from the bed. Leia looked over to see Luke's eyes fluttering awake. Smiling, she moved towards him and gently brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"The bacta are growing well," she said as she looked at his healing wounds. "The scars should be gone in a day or so. Does it still hurt you?"

"A little bit," he admitted. "I'm guessing I've earned my stripes now. Wounded while serving the Rebellion. Do I get a medal for this", he asked, his eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Nah. You're not good enough. You had to have Han rescue you."

"Yeah". Luke's voice softened. "Thank God for Han. I don't know what I would have done without him."

"You'll be regretting it soon," Leia joked, trying to alleviate Luke's sombre mood. She'd had enough reflection for a while. She hadn't seen Han since she'd left the bacta area yesterday and therefore didn't know his reaction to the lock down General Rieekan had placed on the base. He was obviously staying for a while longer now. Which she was glad of - now that she'd recognised that she wanted Han to stay. And she didn't have to ask him to stay. Which was great. This way she didn't have to worry about Han's ego getting in the way. He would be staying and she didn't have to betray any feelings that she had - for a while longer at least. It was one thing to admit that she wanted him to stay to herself, it was an entirely different matter to broach the subject with Han. "I bet you he'll be coming in here soon, bragging about how many you owe him."

Luke laughed as across the room, the door banged open. Artoo beeped a cheerful greeting as he rolled toward Luke, and Threepio clanked noisily toward Luke's bed. "Master Luke, it's good to see you fully functional again."

"Thanks, Threepio."

Artoo emitted a series of happy beeps and whistles.

"Artoo expresses his relief also," Threepio translated helpfully.

But before Luke could reply to either of the droids, he met with yet another interruption.

"How ya doin' kid," Han greeted him boisterously as he and Chewie burst into the medical centre.

The Wookiee growled a friendly greeting.

"You don't look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears of a Gundark," Han observed.

"Thanks to you."

"That's two you owe me junior," Han stated, holding up his fingers for emphasis.

Leia, who had been watching Han since he had arrived, bit her lip to keep from laughing. She exchanged an amused grin with Luke. Han certainly seemed in good spirits today. Leia frowned slightly. What was he up to?

Han turned around and gave the princess a wide, devilish grin. "Well, Your Worship," he said mockingly, "it looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer."

Great! He was in that mood again.

"I had nothing to do with it," Leia replied hotly, annoyed at Han's vanity. "General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy shield."

"That's a good story. I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight."

Leia rolled her eyes. Han was really starting to annoy her now. "I don't know where you get your delusions, laser brains," she retorted.

Chewie, amused by this verbal battle between two of the strongest human wills he had ever encountered, let out a roaring Wookiee laugh.

"Laugh it up, fuzzball," Han said goodnaturedly. "But you didn't see us alone in the south passage." He walked over and put his arm around Leia. "She expressed her true feelings for me," Han continued, his eyes watching Leia's reaction closely.

A rosy flush appeared on the princess's cheeks. God this man was arrogant. Who did he think he was? She shoved his arm off of her.

"My...! Why, you stuck-up, half-witted... scruffy-looking... nerfherder!" she spluttered in fury.

"Who's scruffy-looking?" he grinned, turning to Luke. "I must have hit her pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?"

Leia looked over at Luke with a strange mixture of emotions on her flushed face. Something vulnerable was reflected in her eyes for a moment. And then the tough mask fell again. So this was how Han Solo wanted it, did he? Leia had had enough.

"Why, I guess you don't know everything about women yet?"

With that, she leant over and kissed Luke on the lips, missing Han's startled reaction completely. Then she turned on her heel and walked out, leaving everyone in the room slightly dumbstruck, especially Han. What was it that she'd been saying about wanting him to stay again?


End file.
